These articles are designed to help parents refine and develop their parenting skills. If you would like to join a small parenting group, register for the Stage 1 Program Working Towards Change sessions go to Registration Form for Parent Group
Current articles include:
Scroll down to the end of this article to get details about other information sources
The second article on computer games follows on from the first article Computer Games – Friend or Foe? This article looks at computer game content and continues the tips for parents.
Video games, like TV and other forms of media are established forms of entertainment and as such work best in small doses. Parents often talk about the battles they have with their child when restricting the use of computer games and often describe their child as being ‘hooked’.
A helpful way of looking at appropriate boundaries around games is to put it in the same context as monitoring what a child eats. For example, as a parent you would intervene if your child was demanding chocolate for each meal and no doubt you would also be explaining that as the parent you make the decisions about what food they will be eating. Applying this principle to the use and content of games is under the same umbrella of responsible parenting.
Exposure to violent content de-sensitises children to violence, it also confuses reality and fantasy which means in some cases a child will act out violence when playing with their peers such as in the school playground. It is also linked to an increase in aggressive behaviour both in the immediate and long term.
The extended use of computer games means that other balancing activities – physical, mental and social are not happening, there is less time spent on reading, homework etc, so this will have an impact on academic performance. The other side to this debate is whether your child prefers to play games because they feel good at it and they don’t feel good about their classroom work. Either one of these scenarios needs attention if your child is going to achieve their best.
Yes. When parents use the expression ‘hooked’, it is an early indication that this is a possibility. If your child is constantly harassing you about playing games and giving you a hundred reasons why they should be allowed to play, then this is another warning bell.
1. Remind children that as the parent you set the rules. Explain that you also decide on what games are played and when and where they will be played.
2. Look at your own patterns. When you get home from work and are rushing to get dinner, trying to have a rational discussion about computer games is probably not the best time. A ‘conference’ at the weekend might be a better option so that there is more time to articulate what boundaries you are putting in place.
3. Make sure you are pro-active about what games your child is playing and check the ratings of games against recommended age groups.
4. Basic things such as making sure your child establishes eye contact with you whenever you are talking to them, helps bring them back into the real world.
1. The Foreign Correspondent program on computer games and addiction 31/07/12 www.abc.net.au/foreign/
2. How digital culture is rewiring our brains – Susan Greenfield www.susangreenfield.com/
3. Growing up Fast and Furious – Warburton and Braunstein
Part 1 is about the structures that parents need to put in place around computer games. Frequent questions that parents ask are: should I allow my child to play computer games, if so, when can they be played, where they will be played, how long can they be played for? Does the playing of computer games during the week interfere with family routines as well as the child’s homework, sport, music, dance etc.
Part of this article has been published in a school newsletter but some of the references as well as the section about weekend use of computer games was not included.
It is an individual choice for parents in deciding if they will allow their children to play computer games. If you decide to allow the playing of these games how can you integrate the games into your child’s routine? In this article I will try to answer some of the questions that parents frequently ask and look at how parents can minimize any negative impact on their child’s concentration in class and their social interactions in the playground.
Part 2 will look at the content of games and to what extent content influences anti- social behaviour.
This answer needs to be an agreed position by both parents even when parents are separated or divorced. Whilst both parents don’t need to have the same view, they do need to make a joint decision about video game policy, rules, conditions etc. and maintain a consistency in the application of those rules.
This decision should be worked out in the context of the whole family and the demands on family time. In theory, it might be possible every day but the reality of supervising this might put too many demands on you the parent, so it is important to consider the impact of monitoring this within that context. Remember, you the parent set the rules, you don’t need to justify your decisions to an eight year old, you simply have to explain the rules.
This needs to be really considered as this is the area that parents complain is so difficult to control and is the battleground that wears them down the most. Those parents who watched any of the TV series Mr Malone’s extraordinary school for boys would remember the Yr 5 student who played computer games on a daily basis, 5 hours a day. His literacy and numeracy levels were well below those expected for his age group, it wasn’t until there was direct intervention that his general school performance improved, his sleep pattern improved, his capacity to concentrate in class improved as did his social skills.
Again context and balance are the keys.
Not in the bedroom and not immediately before bedtime. The games should be played in a place that allows for easy supervision of content (more of this in article 2). Computer screens stimulate brain activity so playing games before going to sleep is too risky. Not only is it difficult for children to settle and go to sleep, it affects their capacity to get up with the right amount of energy to tackle a school day.
Even though most families have less structure at the weekend it is still advisable to restrict the time devoted to computer games. Parents can find it difficult to explain why they are limiting the amount of time the games can be played if they have not programmed alternative activities. Try not to be ‘bullied’ by your child in this regard. You are the parent, you decide what is best and you also decide the parameters around when and where games can be played.
Parents also talk about the fact that their child keeps nagging them about being bored so they give in to the persistent nagging. Being bored can encourage children to look at alternative activities. Another way of thinking about it is to do a comparison to diet. A child might want to eat Coco Pops for breakfast lunch and dinner but you as the parent know that this is not in their best interest and so it is the same with an activity such as computer games.
If you are interested in joining the Parent Program go to the Parent Program page on this web site or go to the Contact Page to make a booking or alternatively, ring the McLaren St Clinic on 02 9002 1340 to make a booking with Patricia.
For more information on parent issues visit the website Australian Council on Children and the Media.
This short article has appeared recently in a school newsletter and looks at the topic of resilience in children and adolescents.The challenge as a parent is to walk the tightrope between not supporting your child enough to over protection, thereby restricting their capacity to grow into an independent and fulfilled young adult. The challenges of Kindergarten if met and mastered become a stepping – stone for Year 1 challenges and so on until Year 12 and beyond. After reading the article think about what you are currently doing that helps in developing your child’ resilience and then decide what else you need to do to build on that skill set.
This article was published in June 2012 and is part of an on-going series on parent/child issues. Also read the one below on routines. Other articles will include the impact of computer games on parent/child relationships.
How can parents help their child develop resilience? Whether they are in Kindergarten or Yr 12, the challenge for parents is to resist rescuing their child when they face an emotional, social or academic challenge.
One of the most important actions a parent can take is to establish a process that supports and encourages the child to solve their own problems.They need to be able to talk about their experience, to be heard and to be validated. Then, with parental guidance they can decide what actions to take to meet the particular challenge, knowing that they have support and encouragement from home.
Step 1: Listen to your child talk about the problem. This is an important time to resist the normal ‘rescue’ response by trying to fix it or telling them what to do. It is also important to tease out the full story, try using ‘mirror’ words e.g. “so, you’re saying that X said this”, this way you are checking that you are hearing what they are saying not what you want to hear.
Step 2: Express empathy and validate their story, this does not mean that you are necessarily agreeing with them, but it is important for a child that they feel heard and not judged.
Step 3: Explore other behaviours with them, this is important as it helps them to be part of the solution and, again, at this point it is important to resist telling them what to do, as you want them to develop confidence and the necessary skill to sort things out for themselves.
Step 4: Create a dialogue with your child. This is where empathy (not sympathy) is important. You need to talk about how the incident is making them feel, but it is equally important for your child to understand that they might need to persist with the challenge or the task and to ‘bounce back’ from the inevitable setbacks. The dialogue phase also involves reassuring them that they are still loved.
By moving through a process as outlined above, it helps you decide if the problem needs a solution beyond what your child can manage at this particular point. It gives you greater clarity about the issue, it enables your child to learn and grow in confidence and it helps you decide when and if you need to take the matter further.
If you are interested in joining the Parent Program go to the Parent Program page on this web site or go to the Contact Page to make a booking or alternatively, ring the McLaren St Clinic on 02 9002 1340 to make a booking with Patricia.
This article was written in response to questions about how to establish effective routines that allow for more peace in the home especially in the evenings. The real benefit of routine from a parent perspective is that once established they give you more downtime in the evenings as you are not spending your life dealing with interruptions.
The other benefit of routine from an early age is that it also re-enforces with your child that routines are part of an overall family routine that everyone follows. In the case of shared parenting it is helpful to keep the routines as similar as possible, the same bedtime would be useful for both houses, it saves conversation such as “when we are at Dad’s we are allowed to stay up as late as we want”.
Establishing routine
With the holidays over and the Term underway, it is a good opportunity to think about ways of reducing stress in the family peak times, especially in the evenings. Establishing a bedtime routine is an important step in achieving a more harmonius environment.
The underlying principal of establishing a set bedtime is the need for uninterrupted sleep at the same time each night. When children get the required amount of sleep they have better functioning in the morning, it also helps concentration and resilience at school, which means a better – adjusted and calmer child.
Recommended sleep times:
K – 2: 11 – 12 hours each day
Yr 3 – 6: 10 – 12 hours each day
Their capacity to function and concentrate is impaired, but even more importantly, mood is affected and this can have a detrimental affect on their capacity to deal with academic work as well as peer and sibling relationships.
Families often find that a separate weekday/weekend routine works best as it allows for more structure during the school week with the option of more flexibility over the weekend.
Establishing a set bedtime includes deciding on a getting up time, as well as deciding on the lead – up tasks that prepare the child for their bedtime. As an example, if bedtime is 8.00pm, then a series of tasks could be completed in the 30 mins before – tidying up, cleaning teeth, this process prepares them for the inevitable deadline. It is also important in the half hour before bedtime to lower stimulation, avoiding activities such as computer games, TV, computer work etc. It is challenging for parents to maintain the energy to establish a bedtime routine against some intense opposition, but the benefits of persistence will be a calmer household and more down- time for parents in the evening.
1. Calculate the time your child needs to get up each morning, this should allow plenty of time to do the morning activities without rushing. Work backwards 10 or 12 hours, add a half an hour and that should be bedtime.
2. Establish ‘lights out’ time and personally turn the light out
3. Decide when the pre bedtime tasks begin and what has to be achieved
Remember, once the bedtime plan has been decided there is NO NEGOTIATION.
If you are interested in joining the Parent Program go to the Parent Program page on this web site or go to the Contact Page to make a booking or alternatively, ring Ridge 26 on 02 9002 1340 to make a booking with Patricia.